What do you do if your partner dies.....

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What do you do if your partner dies..... Empty What do you do if your partner dies.....

Post by Angela Fuller on Tue Jul 29, 2014 2:34 pm

I am very sad as a friend has just passed away after a long illness and I was wondering what the procedure is here in Italy if it happens to your partner or friend.  For instance, who do you inform first, presumably dr.....then what happens....do Italian funeral directors deal with everything as they do in the UK ?  Is it different for residents and non-residents ?  What if I want to be cremated ? or is burial the chosen method ?  What is the cost ?  So many questions, can anyone answer these questions ?  Thank you in anticipation.......
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Post by stevegwmonkseaton on Tue Jul 29, 2014 5:16 pm

Angela, very sorry to hear about their loss, difficult enough without having to deal with this. But if they had joint accounts here they will be locked as soon as they notify anyone, this is regardless if you have any money. The person running the local Abruzzo forum lost her husband and did what she thought was the right thing to do and was left with nothing for his funeral... I'll see if I can dig out the post to see what else was covered, sure the type of funeral was discussed.

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Post by Angela Fuller on Tue Jul 29, 2014 5:45 pm

Thx Steve.....any info is so valuable.....I am sure lots of peeps have been wondering what to do if this happens but until the moment comes...which you think will never happen you just sit back......then what to do ???
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Post by stevegwmonkseaton on Tue Jul 29, 2014 6:15 pm

Not read it through, but have a look at this Abruzzolutely LINK

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Post by Flip on Tue Jul 29, 2014 8:20 pm

Sadly this is something that everyone should be aware off (I'm not one of those as it happens) as in a time of great loss, people do not act rationally and what could seem as the correct thing to do may leave oneself open to making the wrong choice and financial ruin.
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Post by modicasa on Wed Jul 30, 2014 5:15 am

In my experience bank managers are very understanding about this and allow you to move/extract all your money yesterday to get round this particular problem - but you need to be quick off the mark.  If its a joint account with one to sign, this is possible, but otherwise everything is locked down until the succession is done.

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Post by Angela Fuller on Wed Jul 30, 2014 5:26 am

Sorry Steve but when I click on Abruzzolutely link I just get a page saying Error......must be me or useless computer !
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Post by stevegwmonkseaton on Wed Jul 30, 2014 6:30 am

Angela Fuller wrote:Sorry Steve but when I click on Abruzzolutely link I just get a page saying Error......must be me or useless computer !


Too much of a hurry and put the search link. This is the correct LINK

This answer number 5, just in case, is likely the most detail.


Lola is quite right,  San Benedetto Del Tronto is the nearest crematorium for Abruzzo. Dave was cremated and it was a first for the undertaker, who wanted €3000 upfront because he had to pay the crem. Dave died on a Friday and I didn't have €3000 nor could I get it so I borrowed it and it was thanks to the forum that I could pay it back because my bank account was blocked too.
They don't hang around here in Italy and the undertaker was in the house within 15 minutes of Dave dying, he wanted his money and, under normal circumstances ie not a weekend and not a cremation (crem not open at the weekend) the funeral would have happened the next day. So you don't have time to think and people don't have time to get here from aBroad.

I had to get a special certificate from the Comune, giving me permission to have the ashes in my house and if you want to travel with ashes you'll need all sorts of permissions.



When Dave died I got 11 certified copies of his death certificate and I've needed every one of them.

Dave died at home and that night the house was full, at midnight I counted 15 cars in the driveway. People came and for 24 hours there were always people here, I think it's traditional to sit with the body as a safeguard that the person really is dead. Lots of tears were shed and prayers said. People brought coffee and sugar, which was just as well because the coffee pot was on permanently.

The ritual of death here is quite different from in the UK and if you are not expecting it, can be a bit of a shock. It's not a private affair and the whole community gets involved.

don't bother going to the crematorium, there is no service and it's not a pleasant place, it's very business like.

Of course this is just my experience and it may be different in other parts of Abruzzo and in other circumstances. I was lucky that friends and neighbours took over and helped me through it because half the time I didn't know what was going on.

It's a good idea to be prepared as it may alleviate some of the shock.

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Post by Angela Fuller on Wed Jul 30, 2014 6:48 am

Thx Steve....got that and is a good insight...It would also be good to know the answers not answered to my original post....What to do.....in what order.....ie: Step1, phone Dr? Step 2.....does Dr contact Undertaker ?  What happens if you are not a resident ?  Cost of burial ?  I know this sounds all a bit morbid but as person above says....best to be prepared.....
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Post by stevegwmonkseaton on Wed Jul 30, 2014 8:34 am

Think this has the information, and you are correct we do need to know. AngloFile LINK The cost seems to be €3000-4000 for cremation and 7000-8000 for a burial.

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Post by Angela Fuller on Wed Jul 30, 2014 9:15 am

Lots of useful information on the site...thank you again Steve......surprised the cost of burial is twice that of cremation, think maybe I will opt for the paupers grave !
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Post by Angela Fuller on Wed Jul 30, 2014 9:31 am

Interesting to read cremation is paid for by the local municiality....so why 2-3000 euro cost ?   Campo comune buriel charge are FOC...... ?
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Post by Gala Placidia on Wed Jul 30, 2014 12:18 pm

There is also the possibility to donate your body to science for research purposes. A law has been aproved to regulate this http://www.dibinem.unibo.it/it/servizi-e-strutture/centro-per-la-donazione-del-corpo In Spain it is done a lot by foreign residents to the point that they had to start refusing these donations as they did not know what to do with so many bodies. Spanish families were not keen on these donations and I think that the Italians will also be reluctant. Certainly, it will cost you nothing if you decide to go ahead with the donation. Cremation is becoming increasingly popular.
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Post by Angela Fuller on Fri Aug 08, 2014 3:33 pm

It is all so complicated here.  OH is a resident, I am not.  How do we ensure the 'Will' is treated under UK law......Does it need to be translated into Italian ?  OH  has family (children) so how can we ensure the property will be left to me ?
So many questions....Any advice welcome
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Post by Admin on Fri Aug 08, 2014 3:56 pm

The big question is are you married. If not then it gets very complicated. If you're married and you bought in communione without seperate portions being assigned to each person (eg. 1/2 or 50%) then my understanding is any property will pass to the other person automatically. IN any other circumstances you need to contact a lawyer who knows their stuff like Charlotte Oliver.
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Post by Angela Fuller on Fri Aug 08, 2014 4:07 pm

Yes Penny, we are married and have been for 30 yrs now......I took on a mortgage,it will be paid off next year, OH was guarantor.....Thx for your help and yes, I will see what Charlotte has to say....
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Post by stevegwmonkseaton on Fri Aug 08, 2014 8:05 pm

Angela have you seen this post Ghiro added? If you are both UK nationals I think all you need to do is put in your wills that you want UK law to be used to sort your estate. The exact wording is important and likely something you do need someone like Charlotte to advise upon. Regards having an Italian translation of the will, well if you think about it, anything like our family, then it would be perhaps easier for them to have everything sorted beforehand....

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Post by Hazy on Sun Aug 10, 2014 6:20 am

Many thanks to Gala Placida - as always we can rely on her for such useful info. I had no idea of the possibility of donating my body and will look into it.

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Post by The Original Relaxed on Sun Aug 10, 2014 12:13 pm

I wrote a long piece on burial/cremation procedures, including how to arrange for the funeral to be delayed to allow for relatives etc. to have time to arrange to travel to Italy for a funeral. 

If you want to be cremated it is almost essential to formally register your desire for this ahead of time.

I don't know if steve could find my post - it was on abruzzolutely - (as I recall between 3 and 6 months ago).
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